list of lists I haven’t made yet:

List of awesome names for cats

List of fancy pants

A list of rejected marketing ideas for tampons

List of reasons why it is awesome to be me

A list of reasons why it would be awesome to be a cat

List of reasons why disney couldn't be worse than lucas

List of inexplicably hot cartoon characters

List of awkward times to need to pee

List of weird shaped penis' I have seen

List of reasons i don't understand my friends attraction to bear grills

List of celebrities that probably smell weird

List of facebook status' nobody wants to see

List of facebook status' it's inappropriate to like (the ven diagram of those two things is a circle)

Things we are nostalgic for but really shouldn't be

List of sexy scientists

List of contests the master of conflict seems to have put thought into (a very short list)

List of badslammers who look like fancy hobos

And a list of SHUT UP KABO!

-------------------------------------------------

Do you like how it ends with an in joke nobody will get unless they attend badslam?

Yeah.

I'm just that elite

Video pending my laziness.

Another example of a free writing experiment

This one took the form of a question and answer and it's about my confusion about what I was going to preform for bad slam which is in two days now.

I ended up soon after this realizing that I really wanted to do a list.

I like lists. They're fun to write and even more fun to preform. 

I don't badslam to show all of what's in my mind. I've like doing that kind of thing on the internet but it's not appropriate in a pub full of people there for a good time. This is my chance to stand in front of strangers and heroes with the goal of entertaining.

And not running away in terror.

This is also a goal.

It's a good goal.

17 nov

Omg poetry slam is in a few days and I have no idea what I am gong to do yet.

You have some ideas

Alright I have some ideas but those ideas aren't very solid yet

What ideas are those

Well I wanted to do something as misheard by voice recognition

What is wrong with that

I don't know what to do yet

What do you mean

What words to miss hear.

None of the writing I have done this month is poetic enough, or tge right length, or it is too perosnal

They will like the I'm scared one

Some would like it, the rest will talk through it

No they will love it

No. I am too scared to do I'm scared

Doesn't that mean you have to do it

No it means I have to find another

What about the little girl with words in her belly

That was crap

But it is too be misheard so crapness doesn't matter

I could write that one out again

And what about the one about gender and sexuality

I never wrote that one down

Well you should

But the words in my head won't be as good. Once they are out of my head

Well write it down anyway

Where

Here

Oh god

You ask am I a lesbo or what

What

No

Not a lesbian, too fond of dick

Not straight, too into chicks

Not bisexual because fuck gender binary

What you call sex I call boring

Not asexual, too willing to lend a hand wherever its needed

But I guess you can say my gender and sexuality is

Not you

Not now

Not ever

Its crap

Why is it crap

Because I am crap

No. That's not it

It needs. Form

How do I get form

I don't know. Listen to a how to write poetry book

After YouTube

No

The lesbians won't have me because I keep dating boys

Not straight as I am too infatuated with girls

Not bisexual because fuck gender binary

Not even a slut as I am bored by what you call sex

I could be asexual if I wasn't so keen to lend a hand wherever its needed

Polly only when I am sure my boyfriend won't mind

I saw this video from youtubes fabulous roguebluejay.



and of course it immediately got in my brain.


---------------------

I am scared

I'm scared that I'm not good enough

I'm scared of dieing alone, crazy, and untalented

I'm scared of everything outside this room

I'm scared of love

I'm scared of hate

I'm scared of anger

I'm scared of people

I'm scared of loneliness

I'm scared of living

I'm scared of dieing of my own incompetence

I'm scared that I am living with a disease that doesn't have the common decency to kill me

I'm scared of doctors

I'm scared I will never find the right medication

I'm scared that I am crazy

I'm scared of crying

I'm scared of disappointing people

I'm scared people may be scared of me

I'm scared of never being understood

I am scared of people that understand me

I'm scared that I worry my mum

I'm scared I will never have an apartment and a cat

I'm scared that I am just a drain on the public purse

I'm scared of busy streets

I'm scared of loud noises

I'm scared of dirty kitchens

I'm scared of things that smell bad

I'm scared of old food

I'm scared of food

And I'm scared that by telling the truth nobody will like me

--------------------

I wrote then recorded, watched it back, re-edited it, and repeat until  happy or too tiered to go on.

I don't have mind mapping or free writing samples. Unlike when I try to write things using writing tools this is a thing where my mind was already full with words. No coaxing required.


I fucking love lists.

Update

I cant make the little girl sketch into a poem.
I would love to but I cannot. With some heavy editing and beautiful illistrations it may make an addorable childrens book, but i dont want to write childrens books, I do poerty.
I believe from here I shall turn the young hip menstrual product sketch into a slam poem. It is almost ready. I should have that recorded and uploaded in about a week.
Also about the toothache from "the toothache became my mistress"
The tooth popped like a pimple, releasing pressure as it did.
I see the dentist again in a week. I've first to take a course of antibiotics, with confusing rules on when i must and must not eat.
I wonder if this is what old age is to be like, but i suspect then I shall have nurses to work all this stuff out for me.

Dear Billy Collins

Dear Billy Collins.
My name is Charles J. Quinn and I want to spend the rest of my life in poetry.
Your poem about the mouse with the match is my favorite.
I got your books from audible and have played them so often and so loud I wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors could quote them
I am writing letters to much admired authors and poets when I feel overwhelmed and confused. Yours is the first such letter I have written.

What if I am not good enough?
Alright I have bought a bunch of books and they all say good writing is not written but rewritten with skill and mental tools. But what if I put all this effort into learning and practicing but still end up just average?
Can earnest determination fail?
Will I just look stupid for trying this hard at all?
Ours is not a fair world.
I am determined to continue.
The first word of my epitaph shall say "poet".
Even if it is followed by "not a very good one".
Thank you for being my stress sounding board.
Charlie
Youtube.com/charlieisagirl
Charlieisagirl.blogspot.com.au

Girl with words inside her

This is the poem after some updating
There is still a lot to be done.
I removed a lot of useless words
And I tried to but things in a more active voice.
But like I said, still a lot of work to be done.
Now, to find out if this tablet will let me copy and paste all of this.


There was a little girl with many big words inside of her
she wanted to let them all out
when she tried all she got was a little mew noise
She could feel all her words deep inside her
the more they grew the more they hurt to keep inside
she made her little mew voice
The words started to come
First slowly and gently
With pink and yellow words
Words that smelt like cheezecake
Then  energetic words
that bubbled and throthed as they lept from her
Strong words forced change wherever they landed
Until her mews were rawrs like a lion 
Strong and they were heard by all 
the words got quieter and
The little girl made a sound like a great purring cat
she was happy

I'm really not happy about this as a poem so far,
I may end up rewriting the entire thing from the ground up.

The blogger app

I am working with a new android tablet, and when using the official app I am faced with this:

And no spellcheck which is killer for me. :(

Notes from free writing: 1 Nov 12

The little girl.
It is also important to note that these notes from freewriting are unedited, as they appear from the ideas that I got in a three minute free writing session. They are by no means a finished project.

There was a little girl

with many big words inside of her

she wanted to let them all out

but when she tried all she got was a little mew noise

like a small cat sounds

every body around her was letting their words out in big loud noises

like elephants trumpets, or monkeys howls, or kookabarras laughs

while she could only mew

She could feel all of these words

deep inside her

they built up and up

and hurt more and more to keep them inside

so she knew what to do

she mewed

small at first

but then more loudly

the words came out of her

in many colors and flavors

some smelled like cupcakes

others like dirt

and the worst ones smelt like pond water

and her mews turned into rawrs like a lion

and the words were strong, and they were heard by all

until the sound of the words got quieter

and she started to sound like a great purring cat

and she was happy

Hip Young Menstrual Products

MOOOOOOMMM

Ah, your first menstruation. You're becoming a woman now!

Mom?

You don't want to be an old woman like your mum.

Hip Young Menstrual products can help you be an individual

Hip Young Menstruation Products that come in eight exciting and vibrant colors.

Your mum wouldn't use these cool cat tampons!

She's to old and fuddy duddy.

Who are you?

You can get back to doing what you usually do!

Like riding bikes, and horses, and going kite skiing!

All those hip young things hip young women like you do!

I know because I was once a young woman who enjoyed all those things and I designed this brand from the ground up.

I was once young like you.

My body was once small and tight like yours.

Men used to look at me like I was something special.

Gravity, gravity eventually takes us all.

But I can still be hip and young!

Like our Hip Young Menstrual Products!

Mooooom

Menstruate like you're young with our Hip Young Menstrual Products!

I remember when I used to menstruate. 

Thought from the day: 1 Nov 12

Dear body. 

Must you seriously be THIS bad at pain? 
But hey, looking like I was about to cry in the chemist means nobody asked me what I wanted the codine for. 
PAIN! THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR! 

I'M NOT MAKING NECKLACES OUT OF THE DAMN PILLS!
NEITHER AM I MIXING THEM IN WHISKEY AND FORCE FEEDING THEM TO STRAY CATS AND HOBOS 'JUST TO SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN'
NOR AM I...oh, wait, the pills have started to work.
I don't feel like yelling anymore.

Please continue about your business

Unfinished ramblings:

On pads and tampons from mind mapping:

Bodily functions so disgusting you will only mention them to get out of sex you don't want

if you must do that disgusting thing the least you can do is clean up after yourself
now scented, pink and with flowers and stuff, because that's what your delicate sensibilities want
because an all make marketing team knows how you feel
because fuck the environment, your snatch is dirty
for your womanly instinct to keep everything clean and tidy
because mother natures a bitch
down side for those fabulous boobs you never asked for
first step in a long decline, after this it's blow jobs and childbirth

Bad Poetry: Toothache Became My Mistress

the toothache became my mistress

on my mind throughout the day

at night she became my everything

long nights spent in her embrace

we evaded my old lover, sleep